Monks and Munchies
by Lady Feylene
Summary: Just a little bit of silliness, in which the Marauders discuss who's best suited for monkhood.


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Disclaimer: Peter, Remus, James and Sirius don't belong to me. :-( I am making no money off of this.

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Dedication: For Kitten, because only she will truly understand, and of course for Peter himself. 

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Author's Note: Oi, love, I had to. This is just another little look into the life of Peter Pettigrew. I'm becoming fonder and fonder of him...this is just a silly little bit of ficness that I felt like writing. It was supposed to be another installation in The Secret Life of Peter Pettigrew, but it didn't quite fit, so it's going on it's own. It's really just a bit of silliness.

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Of Monks and Munchies...

"I think I ought to become a monk." Peter said suddenly, looking up from the book he had been reading. He was sitting in he common room with James, Remus and Sirius. The four marauders were occupying themselves as they did best. Remus was studying, James and Sirius were playing chess, and Peter was reading a book and munching on some sweets he had taken from dinner.

"A what?" Sirius asked, looking over.

"A monk." Peter repeated.

"Why?" Remus asked, cocking his head in interest at his friend.

"Well...I'm not much suited to do anything else, now am I?" Peter folded his arms, book on his lap.

"Sure you are." James said, moving one of his chess pieces. 

"Like what?" Peter asked, raising an eyebrow.

"Well...." James sat back, obviously thinking. "You're pretty good in divination. And Herbology..."

"You could be a taste tester." Sirius said. "Get paid for eating...It'd be great."

"You know, being a monk is a rather difficult thing." Remus said. He put a slim finger to his lips, thinking. "It isn't as if one simply becomes a monk. There are vows and you have to forsake things."

"Forsake?" Sirius raised an eyebrow. "Can't just say 'give up' can you? Have to be all fancy about it...you know, I bet I could be a monk too."

"What do you have to give up?" James asked. "I could probably do it."

"Well..." Remus frowned. "I'm rather certain you have to take a vow of chastity."

"I'm out!" Sirius said, throwing back his hands. "Shouldn't be a problem for you, huh Peter?" He winked at the youngest marauder, who shook his head.

"I could handle that." James said. He didn't believe in sex until marriage.

"Me too." Remus agreed. "So we're still in. And I think there's stipulations on what you can and can't eat."

"Sorry Peter." Sirius said. "You get moody if you go an hour without chocolate."

"Well at least I don't screw everything that moves." Peter mumbled, rather pleased at himself for getting in such a brilliant shot. It wasn't often he stood up for himself, and never against Sirius.

"Hey!" Sirius said. "I'm not that bad..."

"Padfoot, when you come over my gerbil hides." James said. "I can handle the only being able to eat certain things."

"I'm not sure..." Remus sighed. "It would depend."

"You know, you might be disqualified anyway." James pointed out. Peter nodded. How had this happened? It had been *his* silly little idea. Not theirs!

"Well, regardless of that...abnormality aside, I could deal with the food. Some monks take a vow of silence."

"Okay Sirius, if you weren't out before, no way you could survive that one." James said. "Come to think of it...I don't know if I could do that either."

"I could!" Peter piped up. Being quiet was one of the few things he was good at.

"As could I." Remus said. "So far I'm in the lead for monkhood, and Sirius doesn't stand a chance."

"We're keeping score?" Sirius shook his head. "Since when did this become a contest?"

"When is anything not?" James asked. "So what else, of Master of Monks?"

"Meditation. Monks meditate." 

"Huh?" Peter wasn't even sure what meditation was.

"You mean....folding your legs up weird and saying 'om'?" Sirius asked. Obviously he was rather confused on the subject as well.

"Yeah...." Remus said. No one seemed to have a clear idea as to what meditation was.

"I can fold my legs up..." Sirius said, and proceeded to demonstrate. James attempted to copy him, and toppled off of his chair. 

"Ow!" He sat up, rubbing his head from where it had struck the table. Chess pieces flew everywhere, and James cursed loudly.

"Looks like I won, Prongs. I was in the lead..."

"No fair Padfoot. Nobody wins that one. Back to the monks..." James sat back up in his chair, and crossed his legs in the regular manner.

"Well...they go barefoot in the snow." Remus shrugged.

"Why?" Peter asked. 

"I...don't know. They just do." 

"Monks aren't the brightest of critters, are they?" Sirius asked.

"They aren't critters, they're people." James clarified. Sirius gave him a blank look, and then realization dawned.

"Oh! Well that makes a whole lot more sense now....hehe." He grinned lopsidedly, and ran a hand through his thick black hair. 

"What did you think they were?" Peter asked, and Sirius shrugged. Regardless of the fact that Peter's idea had been stolen and ran with, he didn't mind so much anymore. It was fun seeing Sirius make a fool of himself.

"So they walk barefoot on snow just for the heck of it, do they?" James asked. "Count me out just because of that. I'm not going to walk barefoot on snow..."

"I'm sure there's a reason they go barefoot." Peter said. "I mean...they're monks. They don't just...do things." He shrugged, chewing at his bottom lip.

"It's for," Remus paused, thinking. "Holiness." He finally said, shrugging.

"So they go barefoot for holiness?" James raised an eyebrow. "What's so holy about going barefoot?"

"Oh!" Peter perked up, He knew this one. "It's trial by pain. Or something like that. They go through all this pain, and they get immune to it, and it makes them closer to God."

"Which god?" James asked.

"It depends." Remus offered. "You have your Buddhist monks, you're Tibetan monks, you're Catholic Monks..."

"What's the difference?" Sirius asked. Remus opened his mouth to speak, but shut it again quickly. He frowned, amber eyes clouded in momentary confusion.

"Well....Buddhist monks don't worship a god. Tibetan monks worship....Tibetan gods, and the Catholic monks worship a...er...Catholic god."

"Wait, wait wait..." James held up his hand. "Why are the Buddhist monks monks if they don't worship a god? I thought that was the whole point?"

"I don't know!" Remus sighed in frustration. "Do I look like a monk to you?"

"Well, get you a little monk outfit..."

"Don't even think about it." Remus said dryly, shooting Sirius a glare. Peter laughed, and the frowned when he realized he had eaten all of his sweets. 

"Anyone want to make a run down to the kitchens?" He asked, looking up hopefully.

"See?" Sirius said, pointing wildly. "He wouldn't be able to give up food! This proves it!"

"I could to." Peter muttered, indignantly.

"Could not."

"Could to."

"Not!"

"To!"

"Prove it!"

"Okay, okay..." James said, holding up his hands. "That's enough. I think we've sufficiently proved none of us could be monks."

"I could." Remus said, mildly.

"Yes, well, you're a freak." James said, and Remus only smiled.

"And proud of it." He added, smoothing his school robes over his lap.

"Wonderful." James rolled his eyes. "Now, kitchens sounded like a good idea to me..." 

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End file.
